Is it wrong to abandon your family if you were concerned about harming someone your wife cheated with?

My wife had an affair while our children were babies 8 years ago. I just found out a few months ago. I have always been a dedicated family man, no cheating ever, but my wife cheated with a "friend of mine". It is so humiliating. My wife has Borderline Personality Disorder and i have not had a job for the first time in my life. She is acting better on current mood meds as far a rage and I think she is up toraising the kids now. I am PTSD and concerned about exacting revenge on my old "friend." She convinced her girlfriends that were friends of mine that I was some unbearable husband, but it was really her disorder..which has given me PTSD even before finding out about this infidelity. It is the straw that is breaking my back. I feel that I must get a totally dominating revenge, or I should end my life in humiliation. I worked side by side with the guy while it was going on. I found out a very good female friend of my family even helped her hook up with him by driving hr to meet the guy and covered for her. I was the last to know. I think I should flee and hope for a better life for myself as I feel it is getting dangerous here. I love my kids so much, but I am afraid of doing serious jail time and makin them have a father with a violent convict reputation. I have not been in any trouble in my life. I am capable of doing whatever i feel is needed to this guy. My wife is to Borderline Personality wife is to blame, but, my "friend" owed me a duty not to screw my wife as well. I am trying to avert tragedy at the expense of leaving the area and being away form my kids. I am destitute due in part to my impulsively spending wife and her disorder. She has truly ruined the lives of our kids and the family that was. I don't care what anyone will say, Borderline Personality Disorder is incurable. they are self-serving personalities that have no regard for consequences. She is a selfish, serial liar and cheater. I have a disability due to a car crash. I do feel better off dead....or away will work.